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Grief, Dreams, and Spirituality

women in bed

I expected holidays and birthdays to be the hardest days of missing my brother, however one week away from my brother's one year anniversary has topped them all. I have been struggling with grief, anxiety and depression. The past two weeks I have dreamed where I am striving to save him. In my dreams I find him places to hide or try to get him in vehicles to come with me. I am always trying to keep him safe and trying to get him to stay. After a few days of this, I realized it's time to ask for help. After having an intuitive session with my mentor, we realized these dreams are happening because I am scared to feel the pain I felt last year on the day of his death. I'm trying to process these feelings and move forward, but I don't know "how to feel my feelings" more deeply than I already am. My mentor pointed out that I think if I save my brother in my dreams, I won't have to face the one-year mark without him. My entire body broke out in chills when she suggested that. My Spirit Guides give me full body chills when I am correct in their message. Knowing this, the statement really resonated.

Considering this information, I had two options: continue without sleep and hope for the best or make some changes and trust the universe. I decided to make some changes.

I got my yoga mat out, sat in meditation pose and called in my Spirit Guides, Higher Power, Angels and loved ones. I said something along the lines of "Guides, I am scared. Please help me". The amazing thing about the spirit realm is that even if I do not have the words to say what I am feeling, they already know what is in my heart. I could feel their presence around me and keeping me safe and protected. I asked my Guides to give me a sign or guidance to help me through my fear. When I am overly emotional, I struggle with getting straight forward messages from my guides, but the thought came flooding into my head - pull a card.

I try my hardest to listen when my Spirit Guides give me suggestions to follow so I immediately stopped meditating and grabbed my Oracle cards. The card I pulled was "YOU". The message in this card is that everything I need already exists within me. That I am capable of everything, including moving forward however I like. Not to let myself be negatively influenced by outside people or ideas and have confidence in myself. Like always, the card I drew was accurate for what I needed to hear in that moment. With this peace of mind and support from my Guides, I meditated for clarity to really get down to the message they wanted to send me. I gained clarity and insight, which helped me stay motivated and inspired.

During the mediation I was filled with a sense of gratitude. My brother struggled here on Earth. He is free, happy, and joyous in spirit. When I got honest with myself and looked at my situation without emotions, I realized I felt closer to my brother now that he is in spirit. When he was on Earth, he couldn't find his place which caused him to react based on fear and anger, but in spirit he has a purpose. He shows up constantly in signs and synchronies. I believe in spirit we are the purest forms of ourselves, we are returned to health and there is no ego. I am grateful I get the opportunity to get to know this version of him.

Next, The dreams .. while processing grief takes time. As a mom of three having night terrors, not getting enough sleep, or being woken up constantly isn't ideal. In an attempt to stop the nightmares and grief bargaining I prayed to my Higher Power to direct my dreams to positive memories of me and my brother. I asked my brother to come visit me and give me a glimpse of his happiness in the spirit realm. I asked my gatekeeper to only allow dreams that serve my highest purpose. I was skeptical, because I had never done this before, but I kept asking. Throughout the day whenever nightmares popped into my head, I called in my spirit team. Miraculously, that night my dreams were peaceful, and I remembered happier moments with my brother. I also felt my brother's strong presence in my dreams. I slept eight straight hours. - (I KNOW, amazing!)

As the anniversary of my brother's death gets closer, I know in my heart there is no way to keep it from occurring. I know I must face this confirmation that it did happen. My brother is no longer human. My brother is a spiritual being now. I believe everything happens on my Higher Power's timing, that there are no mistakes. Accepting the reality of my brother's passing has allowed me to shift my perspective and find solace in the belief that he is now at peace. It has also given me a deeper appreciation for the spiritual realm and the guidance it can provide. This has allowed me to honor my brother/s memory and find healing in my own spiritual journey.

As I travel this spiritual journey I will continue to ask my Spirit team for guidance, direction and clarity. To help me accept what is, is. To help me let go of the idea of "normal" To help me accept relationships that aren't recognized in the 3D world. To keep my mind open and willing as I navigate grief, dreams and spirituality.


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